Psycho Pass - a masterpiece and one of its kind

I could have chosen to write this entry in Lithuanian it being my mother tongue. However the first word that comes to my mind is in English. The first word to come is

"masterpiece" 

Recently I have been watching the anime that left me speechless and even having in mind to write the blog entry after that I somehow hesitated - of course, being unsure if anyone at all reads my blog and if it is worth taking my time writing it down. But now that I've suddenly got a chance to rewatch it, it came across my mind once again.

"masterpiece"

The anime was recommended to me by a friend of mine, having stated this is one of his all-times favourites, overcoming the famous Death Note in his list. And I have to say whatever the clichee about Death Note is - being simply popular and sort of "pop anime", it is truly worthy of attention as an original creation -or so to say it is one of the kind.

So I thought it was worth giving a try to Psycho Pass. It actually happened so suddenly and randomly, we were just sitting, well, to tell the truth we were drinking wine and eating cheese, and I was bitching about him not wanting to party and take me to clubs. Anyways, so he was just browsing the net and he came across the news - turns out his favourite anime has got a new take - new edition, making it 40 minutes to every episode. As he started to watch it and suggested I do it as well, I joined him. At that time there were one or two episodes of new edition released so I can't remember if after that we just went straight to the old one or did I wait and start watching it at my own appartment later on. However, it was so worth it.

The anime took me to an alternative reality, suggesting future system of ruling over human beings in society, being able to judge one's intentions, stability, psychological state with electronical devices, if in need - immediately. People would avoid any possible stress, their exams and psychical state would determine what activities and occupations they could choose from to feel simply good or maybe even as if their lives are truly fulfilled. In every society as it is there would be people who had to be kind of left behind, shut down, and these people would be called latent criminals, having only two options allowed - staying in some sort of psychiatry ward hoping their psychological state can be "cleansed" or, if the system of the world would decide they have such capability - they could become enforcers, helping detectives to do their job catching criminals and solving crimes. To them the police would usually leave all the dirty job - catching murderers, figuring out criminals' minds, as it is said that trying to think as a criminal will lead you to the same state as the criminal itself.

In that set of the surroundings, a new inspector is taken into police's service, being young and ambitious to soon meet the reality of a tough job. Growing accustomed to her team and learning things the hard way she solves her inner conflicts, motivating others as well.

Starting with various unconnected crimes the storyline soon dives in switching settings and immediately letting the spectator somehow transform into something more than just a passive watcher. For me - it took me in completely. I grew fond of the characters and their complexity. Being quite the diverse anime covering anything from the futuristic ideas to philosophic quotes, and even getting us deepen our knowledge base on intellectual works (mostly literature ones that actually exist), anime roots in situations that the system deals with or is worthless in, unhealthy obsessions, questioning the true human nature and value of life if there is any at all, living in such a setting.

What this anime provided was an astounding timing switching scenes and stories, combining future and past, sharing experiences, personal short story-lines helping to empathize with the characters. It provided developing plot however not a completely solid one, that could be broken for one reason or another - to alter our feelings or to give some ideas of what happens in human mind. Also and what I utmost appreciated - no unneeded romance, actually almost no romance at all. This anime kept back from becoming silly and retained accenting important matters till the end, without single fail, throughout the whole plot.

What I've especially adored was the idea of the system used. Not only did it not lack originality, it seems to be perfectly possible to develop one like this ourselves in the near future. It is based on logics and technical improvement but also following the leads that humanity is already trying to follow, most likely. It covers the system and it's cost, the failures and wins of it, and carries the concept of justice and judgement at its best.

I think the story did not lose its logics even once. Rewatching I have found like two very very small logical flaws, one of them being a sign typed in the wrong direction according to the traffic. So... I guess you know what I mean. Every 22 minutes would be a feast to both my excitement and knowledge, from time to time asking to develop my own conclusions about the subjects and damn, there were many.
The characters, the sides of good and evil blended in so tightly you would lose your judgement and get confused from time to time. Not showing a simple answer, justifying both sides and making it all... Well, in my opinion, it made all of it to reflect human nature where nothing in itself is simple, good or bad, but rather has arguments to both sides and simply determining which ones are more important drives us to one or another.

I can't unwatch it

It's perfect

Every time I search for a new anime to watch now, after the first five minutes it starts to lack the strategy or the base logics. Having seen a really good creation leaves you striving for more, and the truth is it is not easy to find anything else that would satisfy you. If you enjoy watching everything, your standards might really level up after it. Anyway, the journey this anime took me on is like a once in a lifetime event, changing my way of thinking or at least questioning it a little bit. Learning to appreciate quality. Learning to stop misjudging people and situations. The complexity of human nature this anime was able to show me is close to the one we see every day but don't consider present. 

The ride was perfect. I bow to my friend low and many times. I damn him for the recommendation that now made it so difficult to choose another thing to watch, Psycho Pass being one of its kind. And yet it was truly worth it. It was anything and everything I would expect from a good creation. And at the same time it was nothing I anticipated. 

It cannot be unwatched

It's a masterpiece

"There's a limit to the amount of pleasure a person can obtain. 

But pleasure brought out by intellect is infinite"

- Psycho Pass

"You are not given the right to live if you trust everything you see"

- Black Lagoon

here it comes

It's very easy to trick the one who thinks he can't be tricked. At least twice as difficult it is to trick the one who accepts being tricked as a possibility.

Must karma be a bitch, it is a very fair one

I am sure all of you are well acquainted with the saying "karma is a bitch". Referring to the word karma in English dictionary I find:

1. Hinduism & Buddhism The total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence,regarded as determining the person's destiny.
2. Fate; destiny.

None of these are unclear definitions. Believing in karma or not, being Buddhist, Hinduist or whatever - I think we are all familiar with the saying.
And, besides all of it, it is widely used by all sorts of people, from believers to level 9999 atheists.

It's good to see the situations that it is commonly used in. I have just remembered my weekend, generally speaking, spent with my friend who would almost tumble after every time she had said something offensive or simply negative about other people - known and unknown to her personally. Of course, shoes had to do a lot with it as well. But God damn it, after the first stumble I advised her to look ahead. And well, after the third time the same happened in such an accuracy with what she was talking about, all the other explanations were simply left behind.
And only one thing was clear.

Karma is a bitch

I am not sure whether I believe in karma completely. As a person holding deep interest in psychology I also question myself every time I hear my minds going on about "he got what he deserved" headline.

But however it is amazingly satisfactory to watch the people who use this saying at the right time. If you are still alive and able to talk and have a sense of humour, you can surely use it. It brightens up a situation. And if it happens for the third time in one day, possibly, in two hours, after the third time it gets such a meaning! We are laughing our asses off. And waiting for the fourth time. I even questioned myself if I would be sad if by any chance my friend, proceeding to the fourth stumble would actually fall and break her leg or something. I guess that is what we think of when we consider one's actions unacceptable or we can't approve of one's
virtues. But that is what I love about being friends: you don't need to accept all of others' virtues.

You can simply choose most of them and successfully ignore what is meanwhile left aside. Let it be. She has an opinion and I have one. And this certainly does not disturb be nor does it distract me from having fun listening to "karma is a bitch" recording for the third time.

Generally having friends and being able to tolerate some part of them, that asks for it, I think, is amazing. You can always refrain from having any sort of relationship with a person whose virtues you have seen and were not tremendously amazed by it. But if you perhaps have a friend, whom you have accepted, because he / she inspires you, makes you wonder, change your thoughts and opinions and laugh your ass off, you just have to come in an compromise with whatever you dislike in that person, his thoughts and feelings. And generally we are allowed to feel anything and we have that right used.

And I can merely pitying watch at how the karma is working. It does not even matter if it actually exists. But there certainly are those times when someone starts gossiping. Half minute passed. And here he stumbles.

Must karma be a bitch - it is a very fair one

And I enjoy it. I enjoy it as hell.

I have no idea what I am doing

I have no idea what I am doing with my life. Literary. I have so many things I want to do it would take like four full lives to fulfill all of those.

I wanna be a teacher, a musician, a scouts leader (generally working with kids and organizing events, maybe it is better to say "teacher" too), a photographer, a writer, a psychologist... Sometimes I feel I don't make any sort of progress at any of them, sometimes I feel I have progressed a little bit. I can literary never decide if I should quit any of these and simply concentrate on one. I guess by this time I don't even know how it is done. My attention is thrown away at any direction I want. One day I am occupied with music, I write a song and I love it, I wanna play it for ages. Another day I forget about it. I am very passionate about psychology lectures. I have already built some knowledge, basis. I already know some controversial researches, theories, some of the neuro psychology. And then I think - damn, I want to study. Damn, I want to help people. Damn I want to conduct these researches. I want to find how to improve a life of a human being.

Then again I start reading something cool. I get into literature. I write a piece myself, most likely it is poetry. And yet again I am in love with arts.
That is there photography comes. After highschool I've taken a gap year. I had no idea if I even wanted to pursue some sort of degree in any sphere. It seemed unnecessary, especially in my country where it sometimes seems that you can burn your diploma the moment you get it, or you can... literary wipe your ass with it any time you want. I do agree it helps in some sort of situations, but unless you want to be a brain surgeon...

So I've taken my time, I've moved to the capital, I strenghtened my young family (now living with my boyfriend, whom I prefer to simply call my man). I took time working as a waitress and thinking what am I supposed to do in this life. I decided I would study Photography, because why not. It is one of the spheres that started to really interest me at that time. But any time I get some sort of inspiration, I want to be anything from a bartender to Aikido master. I tend to fall in love with things very easily. I tend to find motivation to do things, or to stop doing them, if I can't find the reason, good enough to continue. "Because you have to" is not an argument for me. I want to know why do I do things. What things I do. What do they give to me. What do they give to people around me. What do they give to society.

I've been switching my wishes and activities almost ever since I can remember. Here I am teaching Japanese English. Here I am passionate about psychology. Here I simply wanna take fresh clothes and go isolate myself in nature which is by the way so fascinating that I can only understand small fragments of it.
The most akward thing probably is that I need to know why am I doing every little thing yet I am unable to find reasons for my life as whole and where it directs me.
Sometimes I struggle with it, sometimes I simply take my life blindly, though not for granted.

For me, what is good in this life?
The life itself. I adore it, I am driven by it, I am addicted to it. All these experiences, sitting in a balcony while it is getting dark. Drinking my tea silently and not turning the light on. Witnessing how people move in the streets and in their own lives as well. Some of them get lost completely and I can't reach them anymore. Some of them make progress that fascinates me. And there I sit for a while, then I choose to move on with my life.

Where do I go to? Whom do I go to? I surely know what makes me happy, but oh my God, so many things make me happy! I can't measure what influences me more. Life certainly is at the top, the second best is love. So using these two I somehow manage in life. I live and try / learn to do everything with love. That involves loving every possible creature (I am not very fond of spiders, but whatever, they are not at fault so there I am learning to appreciate everything). I love nature. I learn to love what I do or quit doing it.

But sometimes I struggle so much. It is like taking a way without seeing what awaits in the next step. That usually happens to me even physically. If the light goes away or it gets dark, I am a mess every step I take. I don't feel that space that surrounds me anymore and I start to feel a mess for not being able to understand that there is a path. That path is safe. And it is so much easier to believe that fact, if you are going not alone. If someone goes just before you. If the distance between the two of you is within a reach of a hand.

The truth is even though you find who to go with, your life still is only yours. You are taking paths, you are making choices. And I have no idea what do my choices bring. Sometimes it seems that with these choices I will always sit here, writing this blog entry, and nothing will ever change. When you do millions of things it is almost impossible to witness the progress and at the same time it is of utmost importance to do so. So you would get motivated. So you would know you are not a CD stuck in a player, broken just a little bit but unable to continue to the next song of yours.

So God knows where am I going. I somehow optimistically believe that no one knows what they are doing with their lives. Some people though think they know. But they don't.
And then I feel a little less alone struggling with my choices and fears. I feel a little bit more united. A little bit more determined to climb all the hills, to change the world, to help one person that is near me and that I have the power to help to. Because this is probably what my life is about. Living, loving and sharing.
So I have no idea what I am doing, but I know why I am doing it pretty well.
And I swear I will reach someplace with what I do. Because I want it. Because I strive for it.

In this entry, the word "want" is mentioned 12 times (and 13 including this sentence). I am driven by a desire to reach someplace. Or I don't often use synonyms of "want" (14th time).

And after such a topic I have to mention - if you find any akward words that you are unable to understand in this entry, try adding "m" letter somewhere to them. Because, guys, my keyboard's m letter is not really working these days. Makes writing even more fun. Makes life even more challenging.

I have heard an interview question to the Japanese soccer player Keisuke Honda:
- What is the samurai spirit?
- I don't know because I've never met a samurai.

Well, I would go even further. I would say "I don't know because I've never been a samurai"
No matter what do you think of other people it is always your perceptions of these people and not these people itself. It is both sad and very very interesting.

*

And so you kill

You kill excitement when you also kill risks

Risks to be disappointed

Risks to be overcomed

When you've given up on getting something

and there you get it, a very tiny part of it
only a tiny bit of you feels pleasure

and all the other parts are fed with apathy

fed up with all the things that could have happened

with all the things that you've already experienced

all the things that will really happen

if you let yourself out, if you drop all the chains

if you...

how does it work?
How come you cannot enjoy if you once told yourself not to?

Preventing all the loss and damage you would have had to endure

there you get it

the thing you might have desired most in your life

there you get it

and only silence in your lungs 

you hear some kind of fizz

like coming from the old tv

that does not work anymore

that does not show channels

yet still has electricity

it's like you tumble and fall

finally understanding

that tv is the same

it still works but it doesn't

a fizz comes

it approaches

it's here

cannot show

any channels

there is nothing to show

Life is incredibly beautiful
though our heart scares easily
But all izz well

a declaration of

I am a coffee maniac.
And I smoke.

If you have problems with any of these - well, congratulations, you have problems with me.
Enjoy it.

***

What an awfully interesting experience it is to purely hate and love your life at the same time. You don't even feel being in the centre of a conflict, rather just witnessing it from aside. Smoking your cigarette at incredibly cold and wet weather, somehow in the same balcony reading social psychology book and thinking you kinda need to read Freud and you really disapprove of Freud.
Few weeks ago to think I would smoke would have sounded like a joke. Well, maybe not a bad one. But still a joke.
and yet when someone suggests to smoke because of having nothing else to do, that creeps me out. I guess for me it is more appropriate to sit in facebook because of the lack of activities, but, seriously, not ruining these rituals like that of coffee or that of smoking which becomes very precious for me.

Believe*

I understand people wishing "only good" things for me. But I think it is also beyond important to let the person wish something for himself.
To let him get a deep breath and relax sometimes. To question himself where does he want to go.
We don't even know ourselves, how can we so blindly assume we know other people? The wish so that everything would be okay is the purest out of the purest, the problem is we might not always know what exactly is "really okay" for that person and without noticing it we put a person up to a high pressure.
To pressure a person and to simply believe in a person are highly different tasks. In my case, I believe that believing in person is showing that if anything - he can talk to us or ask for our help or opinion, however, believing in person also is letting him choose and accepting his choices, without thinking if that was the right choice to make. Even if it wasn't, usually marking that choice as false, before a person even made a firm decision is not only unnecessary but also crucial for a person's evaluation of himself and ability to make his own choices or at least the feeling of control that is needed to make decisions.

Shit happens. But for the sake of good things.

Last Easter was the same date as the date we switch from winter to summer time in Lithuania. Therefore I messed up, completely forgot that fact, in advance I had bought train tickets to my hometown. And I came to the train station one hour late however being on time, assuming my watch was showing correct time. Since I already lost quite a lot of money but still had to go back on Easter, I went to bus station and payed a painful amount of money to get the bus ticket. Since I have passion to talk with Japanese people and I saw one here, I started a chat having some time to spare. We chatted for like 15 minutes and I got a job offer which I am still using today, for more than 7 months now and I really enjoy this job of mine.

Recently I had these few cases of very odd relationships that I might call friendships but I am not sure they actually are. These were incredibly exciting and painful on my conscious and uncoscious self however led me to the path of thousand discoveries about myself and relationships.

When I was in the 11th year of school or third year of highschool, I was already for a very long time wishing to study Psychology, but then something happened and I decided that Psychology is way enough for me to just enjoy in everyday's life and as well to study Psychology is not the only way to help human beings. Now that I look back I kinda feel like I've wasted three years since these days I remembered Psychology, and I haven't read anything in three years, and I am like a box of matches, when I opened the first page of "Myers - Social Psychology" I started to burn immediately because of the enjoyment I experienced. So yes, I will probably study Psychology. However, in these three years I also found another passion - Photography - and am seeking for a diploma in that one as well as some job opportunities since I really really enjoy it. So going back three years and switching up my decisions would have led me to the only path and now I know there are many paths and all of them are good.

SHIT HAPPENS. At some moments it really looks like it and I feel frustrated. But then I look back and I see:

Shit happens. But for the sake of good things.

You don't go back

Whatever you do or even don't do in your life

You can't ever get back to where you were before starting. There is no starting point, even if you turn around, the road might look a bit similar yet it is not the same. At some point you find yourself changed. Influenced by whatever you overcame. Is it beneficial or not to you? Who knows, you are the one to decide. You might find yourself smoking or cutting your hair or doing your make up in a different order. You might find yourself having different kinds of thoughts or different relationships. Might find yourself wondering what would be if... but that certainly does not change the situation even one bit.
At some point you start to feel touched by what you experienced. By this unique thing no one else have had.
That is pretty normal.

And

You

Don't

Go

Back

how to destroy a relationship

* find a really fragile and subtle relationship as a target of this exercise
* tell that person how bad you feel
*when he/she asks if you want to talk about it, say yes and do so
* make sure to first ask if it is not a burden and then believe that it is not
*wait till next morning and enjoy the wall of silence

tips to follow:
*make sure you choose a really special, important and subtle relationship
*you probably must be stupid, at least be stupid for this to work out
*after everything go buy some cigarettes

Today I decided that I would try smoking since I am completely aware that I just want to relieve some part of stress this way. Considering it is not healthy and might be addictive, I therefore decided to try it. So I bought my first pack of cigarettes, made some coffee, even found a lighter (I didn't buy the lighter, that was way too mainstream), and then I eagerly went to the balcony, opened the door... Now, wait, tried to open. 'Cause a week back I kinda made it impossible to open sticking a lot of sticky/adhesive tape all over the opening of the door because the wind coming to a room was about immoral. And therefore this made me confused, what do I do now, I live in fifth floor. But then I opened the window, enjoyed my cigarette and when I tried to stub it out, I kinda almost made a fire in my balcony, even though I never actually went to my balcony in the first place.
Every day a new ironic adventure. Coming for me. Fun.

Let the game begin

A small, unlikely and insignificant reunion of two people sharing the same passion of creating something together. Nothing more than that. No need to be excited. Even though there is "never give up", there is also another one: "give it time". Be patient. Don't ruin everything. Here you are creating amazing stuff with the person who once saved your life. That is amazing, and what else can you want? Is it not enough?
Of course it is!
it is not our friendship getting back but rather the idea of creating, the idea so sepparate from our relation to each other, only done together since other ways it will not work out. It is just a project. The outcome of it is yet unknown. Most likely, it will either split us up again, this time for ages, or our friendship might come in handy creating stuff. We will most likely never be what we were to each other and I still don't know if we will ever be able to stop by each other coincidentally meeting at the middle of the street, and suggest to go for some coffee together.
Only time will show, so no need to accelerate time or the split will be early. It is still the same person that two days ago answered she has no idea if we will ever be in each other's life, same person whom we are texting with these two days about something that is a project of ours and nothing more. And enough.
So no need to cry or to hurt or to beg to come back.




Just let the game begin.

I can forgive and I will forget but I will never risk going that path again

over half of a year passed yet I slipped near the same stoplight
expecting that maybe something had changed
and maybe I can go there
just sometimes
once in a month or so
for a very short time

now I know that
they say you have to solve it all somehow
so you would feel at peace
usually by talking face to face
and it does not matter what is the outcome as long as they both listen till the end to each other
sometimes though that does not happen

sometimes you are left with nothing again
with mountains of anger to climb
to somehow find a way to hold yourself together
forget your dumbness which suggested you can try that path again
anger will go away with  time
I'm not that strong and never was
However I somehow inspired him, he says "Because of few people I am so strong, you are one of them"
And therefore I smile for a moment and then I wake up
What have I taught him, was I that dishonest?
To say "I love you" and "I respect you"
To a person that was used as a trash
because it's easy to get it back
what have I taught him?
How can you say to such person so easily
these words over the phone
again and again
never mention
that you might have been wrong
that you're sorry


go fuck it up with someone else
Cause I will never
never
damage myself the same way

There is nothing wrong with Monday

Every Monday in Facebook I see about a million posts like this one "Shortest horror story: Monday".
Actually because of such things I was doubtful whetver to use "Monday" in one of my songs since I felt I am doing something prohibited. In that song I used it as a new start for something and that is basically what Monday is to many people. It is one of the days of the week and that is normal. Also, it is the start of the working week, which means that most people go study or work after having some leisure time on the weekend. Which is also completely normal.
Today my holiday from studies ended and I went to learn something new. I couldn't say I wasn't lazy or that I didn't want to go because I wanted some sleep etc. However, that is only normal laziness as the one after a weekend and it is completely normal.
Post million statuses and make people associate Monday with the most horrible event of the year and every week - now that is nearly a crime.
Once I read that most people suffer from heart attack Monday morning, between 7 AM and 9AM. Which basically means they are so unhappy with whatever they are up to on Monday that they get so freakin nervous and sad they suffer a heart attack. To us, this is quite a spoiler: instead of making demotivations and saying your life sucks, you should actually start something you enjoy more. That is what Mondays are for. And if you think you are enjoying it, but just not on Mondays, you might end up as these people with heart attacks too.
That research itself is pointing out to us that we should carefully choose what do we wanna do in our lives. And starting that on Monday is a present, knowing that you will learn something new or that even you will be busy, you will still enjoy your day a lot.
And if your behaviour on Monday is way beyond just being lazy you should seriously overthink either your life changes or how you see the life.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with Mondays. Only with people.