Shit happens. But for the sake of good things.

Last Easter was the same date as the date we switch from winter to summer time in Lithuania. Therefore I messed up, completely forgot that fact, in advance I had bought train tickets to my hometown. And I came to the train station one hour late however being on time, assuming my watch was showing correct time. Since I already lost quite a lot of money but still had to go back on Easter, I went to bus station and payed a painful amount of money to get the bus ticket. Since I have passion to talk with Japanese people and I saw one here, I started a chat having some time to spare. We chatted for like 15 minutes and I got a job offer which I am still using today, for more than 7 months now and I really enjoy this job of mine.

Recently I had these few cases of very odd relationships that I might call friendships but I am not sure they actually are. These were incredibly exciting and painful on my conscious and uncoscious self however led me to the path of thousand discoveries about myself and relationships.

When I was in the 11th year of school or third year of highschool, I was already for a very long time wishing to study Psychology, but then something happened and I decided that Psychology is way enough for me to just enjoy in everyday's life and as well to study Psychology is not the only way to help human beings. Now that I look back I kinda feel like I've wasted three years since these days I remembered Psychology, and I haven't read anything in three years, and I am like a box of matches, when I opened the first page of "Myers - Social Psychology" I started to burn immediately because of the enjoyment I experienced. So yes, I will probably study Psychology. However, in these three years I also found another passion - Photography - and am seeking for a diploma in that one as well as some job opportunities since I really really enjoy it. So going back three years and switching up my decisions would have led me to the only path and now I know there are many paths and all of them are good.

SHIT HAPPENS. At some moments it really looks like it and I feel frustrated. But then I look back and I see:

Shit happens. But for the sake of good things.

You don't go back

Whatever you do or even don't do in your life

You can't ever get back to where you were before starting. There is no starting point, even if you turn around, the road might look a bit similar yet it is not the same. At some point you find yourself changed. Influenced by whatever you overcame. Is it beneficial or not to you? Who knows, you are the one to decide. You might find yourself smoking or cutting your hair or doing your make up in a different order. You might find yourself having different kinds of thoughts or different relationships. Might find yourself wondering what would be if... but that certainly does not change the situation even one bit.
At some point you start to feel touched by what you experienced. By this unique thing no one else have had.
That is pretty normal.

And

You

Don't

Go

Back

how to destroy a relationship

* find a really fragile and subtle relationship as a target of this exercise
* tell that person how bad you feel
*when he/she asks if you want to talk about it, say yes and do so
* make sure to first ask if it is not a burden and then believe that it is not
*wait till next morning and enjoy the wall of silence

tips to follow:
*make sure you choose a really special, important and subtle relationship
*you probably must be stupid, at least be stupid for this to work out
*after everything go buy some cigarettes

Today I decided that I would try smoking since I am completely aware that I just want to relieve some part of stress this way. Considering it is not healthy and might be addictive, I therefore decided to try it. So I bought my first pack of cigarettes, made some coffee, even found a lighter (I didn't buy the lighter, that was way too mainstream), and then I eagerly went to the balcony, opened the door... Now, wait, tried to open. 'Cause a week back I kinda made it impossible to open sticking a lot of sticky/adhesive tape all over the opening of the door because the wind coming to a room was about immoral. And therefore this made me confused, what do I do now, I live in fifth floor. But then I opened the window, enjoyed my cigarette and when I tried to stub it out, I kinda almost made a fire in my balcony, even though I never actually went to my balcony in the first place.
Every day a new ironic adventure. Coming for me. Fun.

Let the game begin

A small, unlikely and insignificant reunion of two people sharing the same passion of creating something together. Nothing more than that. No need to be excited. Even though there is "never give up", there is also another one: "give it time". Be patient. Don't ruin everything. Here you are creating amazing stuff with the person who once saved your life. That is amazing, and what else can you want? Is it not enough?
Of course it is!
it is not our friendship getting back but rather the idea of creating, the idea so sepparate from our relation to each other, only done together since other ways it will not work out. It is just a project. The outcome of it is yet unknown. Most likely, it will either split us up again, this time for ages, or our friendship might come in handy creating stuff. We will most likely never be what we were to each other and I still don't know if we will ever be able to stop by each other coincidentally meeting at the middle of the street, and suggest to go for some coffee together.
Only time will show, so no need to accelerate time or the split will be early. It is still the same person that two days ago answered she has no idea if we will ever be in each other's life, same person whom we are texting with these two days about something that is a project of ours and nothing more. And enough.
So no need to cry or to hurt or to beg to come back.




Just let the game begin.

I can forgive and I will forget but I will never risk going that path again

over half of a year passed yet I slipped near the same stoplight
expecting that maybe something had changed
and maybe I can go there
just sometimes
once in a month or so
for a very short time

now I know that
they say you have to solve it all somehow
so you would feel at peace
usually by talking face to face
and it does not matter what is the outcome as long as they both listen till the end to each other
sometimes though that does not happen

sometimes you are left with nothing again
with mountains of anger to climb
to somehow find a way to hold yourself together
forget your dumbness which suggested you can try that path again
anger will go away with  time
I'm not that strong and never was
However I somehow inspired him, he says "Because of few people I am so strong, you are one of them"
And therefore I smile for a moment and then I wake up
What have I taught him, was I that dishonest?
To say "I love you" and "I respect you"
To a person that was used as a trash
because it's easy to get it back
what have I taught him?
How can you say to such person so easily
these words over the phone
again and again
never mention
that you might have been wrong
that you're sorry


go fuck it up with someone else
Cause I will never
never
damage myself the same way

There is nothing wrong with Monday

Every Monday in Facebook I see about a million posts like this one "Shortest horror story: Monday".
Actually because of such things I was doubtful whetver to use "Monday" in one of my songs since I felt I am doing something prohibited. In that song I used it as a new start for something and that is basically what Monday is to many people. It is one of the days of the week and that is normal. Also, it is the start of the working week, which means that most people go study or work after having some leisure time on the weekend. Which is also completely normal.
Today my holiday from studies ended and I went to learn something new. I couldn't say I wasn't lazy or that I didn't want to go because I wanted some sleep etc. However, that is only normal laziness as the one after a weekend and it is completely normal.
Post million statuses and make people associate Monday with the most horrible event of the year and every week - now that is nearly a crime.
Once I read that most people suffer from heart attack Monday morning, between 7 AM and 9AM. Which basically means they are so unhappy with whatever they are up to on Monday that they get so freakin nervous and sad they suffer a heart attack. To us, this is quite a spoiler: instead of making demotivations and saying your life sucks, you should actually start something you enjoy more. That is what Mondays are for. And if you think you are enjoying it, but just not on Mondays, you might end up as these people with heart attacks too.
That research itself is pointing out to us that we should carefully choose what do we wanna do in our lives. And starting that on Monday is a present, knowing that you will learn something new or that even you will be busy, you will still enjoy your day a lot.
And if your behaviour on Monday is way beyond just being lazy you should seriously overthink either your life changes or how you see the life.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with Mondays. Only with people.