I can forgive and I will forget but I will never risk going that path again

over half of a year passed yet I slipped near the same stoplight
expecting that maybe something had changed
and maybe I can go there
just sometimes
once in a month or so
for a very short time

now I know that
they say you have to solve it all somehow
so you would feel at peace
usually by talking face to face
and it does not matter what is the outcome as long as they both listen till the end to each other
sometimes though that does not happen

sometimes you are left with nothing again
with mountains of anger to climb
to somehow find a way to hold yourself together
forget your dumbness which suggested you can try that path again
anger will go away with  time
I'm not that strong and never was
However I somehow inspired him, he says "Because of few people I am so strong, you are one of them"
And therefore I smile for a moment and then I wake up
What have I taught him, was I that dishonest?
To say "I love you" and "I respect you"
To a person that was used as a trash
because it's easy to get it back
what have I taught him?
How can you say to such person so easily
these words over the phone
again and again
never mention
that you might have been wrong
that you're sorry


go fuck it up with someone else
Cause I will never
never
damage myself the same way